I am heartbroken because it feels as if we could have had a great relationship, but nothing I say can change her mind. What should I do? I don’t want to give up
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I am a 25-year old guy and have been spending a lot of time chatting with a woman who is almost 35. She and I get along extremely well, and I am strongly attracted to her. I know she feels it, too, because we have so much in common and can’t get through the day without speaking to each other. I recently tried asking her to consider getting into a relationship, and she said she would have done it if it wasn’t for the age gap between us. I know she would have agreed if I was just a few years older because neither of us can deny this mutual attraction. I am heartbroken because it feels as if we could have had a great relationship, but nothing I say can change her mind. What should I do? I don’t want to give up.
This isn’t about giving up or trying to change someone’s mind. It’s about understanding that you have both had an honest conversation and placed your cards on the table. You believe this could be a great relationship, but she doesn’t. Nothing can change that. Age may have little to do with whether a relationship works or not, but that depends solely upon two people in that relationship choosing to work together. I suggest you tell her that you respect her decision, and hope that she will reconsider. If she doesn’t, it may make more sense to try and build a strong friendship, given how much you both have in common. Relationships can’t be forced.
We broke up a few months ago, then decided to get back together, but things haven’t been the same since. There is a certain distance between us, and I can’t say or do anything to bridge that. It makes me wonder if this is a bad idea. Should I end it again?
The distance is normal given that you have both been through something traumatic. It may be better to let time sort this out though. Wait for a while.
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