Should I assume our friendship is effectively over, given that he may not be able to get over me saying anything harsh?
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I recently friend-zoned a guy who doesn’t seem to get the message. He’s a nice person which is why I like having him in my life, but he can’t get his head around the fact that I am just not interested in a relationship with him. I don’t want to ask other friends of mine to make this clear to him because I don’t want to embarrass him, but it’s also starting to affect me because I try and avoid him these days. It’s sad because we used to be great friends, but I can’t even hang out with him now without worrying about how he may react to anything I say. Should I assume our friendship is effectively over, given that he may not be able to get over me saying anything harsh?
A friendship, like any relationship, can evolve over time and grows stronger through dialogue. You don’t need to get other friends involved, nor should you worry about being harsh. You have been clear about your intentions, and the onus of getting through him isn’t on you. It’s his responsibility to accept your decision because not doing this is tantamount to disrespecting how you feel. If he doesn’t understand that, and risks losing you as a friend, you may have to wait until he comes around to your point of view. If he accepts not having you in his life, the loss isn’t yours. Either way, tell him one more time and then wait until he grows up. I suggest you keep your fingers crossed though.
Should I be annoyed that my husband doesn’t tell me he loves me as often as I say it to him? He’s not the affectionate kind, which is why I don’t mind, but I don’t want it to be a red flag I am ignoring.
Actions always speak louder than words, and that cliché matters in a relationship where you have both made lifelong commitments to each other. Go by what he does, not by what he doesn’t say.
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