If he isn’t being specific and isn’t willing to accept that every argument has two sides, this is a form of gaslighting because you can’t pretend not to feel the way you do
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I keep getting confused by someone I have been dating, because it has been three months and there is no indication of how he feels about me. We spend time together, laugh a lot, make plans to meet again, and nothing concrete happens. I know he wouldn’t keep meeting me if he wasn’t interested, and I’m sure he knows I like him, but there is no enthusiasm for discussions about where this is going. I have even asked him directly if he is interested in a relationship and he says he’s not sure what he wants. If he isn’t sure, why does he make me feel like he wants to meet me? I’m tired of trying to guess what’s on his mind. I am considering telling him that I don’t think this is going anywhere, and just stop meeting him. Am I being too impatient?
You’re not. You have been direct about your expectations, and he clearly isn’t in that space yet. You can keep meeting him until he figures out what he wants, but there’s no telling when that could happen. It’s your time, and it’s valuable, so you should weigh the possibility of him reciprocating your feelings against your willingness to be left hanging. It’s not a good place to be in, so whatever you choose to do should be done keeping your best interests in mind. You can always change your mind if he reaches out with a more definitive response at some point in the future.
My boyfriend says I overreact to things, and this has made me wary of any argument with him. Is he just doing this to get me to shut up?
If he isn’t being specific and isn’t willing to accept that every argument has two sides, this is a form of gaslighting because you can’t pretend not to feel the way you do. Ask him to be specific or call out his comments as unhelpful.
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