She wants me and her boyfriend, too!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My ex-girlfriend recently reached out to me saying she wanted us to give our relationship another chance. I agreed because I miss her, and we had a strong bond for years. When I asked her to break up with her boyfriend before we could see if this was working, she refused, saying it was not a sensible idea for her. The feeling I get is that she wants us to try and rekindle our relationship, while still being with her boyfriend in case this doesn't work out. It's a very selfish approach that places her interests above mine, as well as above her boyfriend's. I'm sure he doesn't even know she is speaking to me about this, and it feels as if I don't know who she is anymore. She has been asking me for an answer for days, but I feel like blocking her and not staying in touch anymore. Am I being too harsh?
You're right about her being unfair to you as well as her current partner, and this is a huge red flag because it shows that she isn't being honest with either of you. To not stay in touch isn't a harsh reaction; it's just you doing what is best for yourself, which makes perfect sense given that she is doing the exact same thing. This isn't someone who wants you for who you are. It sounds like someone who is just looking for a back-up plan.

I was recently shocked to see that my girlfriend had an online dating profile for herself. We have been together for six months and I couldn't understand why she would do that. When I confronted her, she said it was an old profile that she had forgotten to delete. Is she lying? It may be old, but why does she still have the app on her phone?
You asked her a question and she gave you her reasons. Why not ask her to delete the app if you're uncomfortable with it, and accept her explanation?

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