Parents don’t like my boyfriend!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I find it very hard to convince my parents that I know what I'm doing when it comes to my personal life. They are always disapproving of anyone I date because my first boyfriend was a horrible person. It was a bad break-up and they saw how much damage it did to me. Since then, they always think the worst about any of my boyfriends. I have been dating someone for over a year now, and I am convinced that he's the person I want to commit to. My parents don't even bother speaking to him when he comes to my place. They just acknowledge his greetings, say hello, and disappear. It's very hurtful because my boyfriend doesn't understand why they behave in this manner. He tries to be rational about it, and I know he doesn't hold it against them, but this causes me a lot of pain. It feels as if they can't trust me to make decisions about my life, which is unfair. I know they mean well, but at some point, I want them to just let go of the past and give me some credit. What should I do to get them to change?
The onus of changing how they treat you isn't on you, because it involves a process of growing up and evolving that they haven't gone through yet. On the one hand, them spending time with your boyfriend is critical for them to understand who he is, and why you have chosen him. On the other, if they choose not to engage and forever hold on to something you did, the loss is theirs alone. What you can do is sit them down, tell them you're serious about this person, explain why you have made this decision, and leave what happens after to them. You can't do much if this decision doesn't come from them, which can happen only when they decide that they are going to treat their daughter with the respect she deserves, based on understanding and acceptance.

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