Friend is abusive with his partner...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

A close friend of mine is very abusive towards his partner, and I don't know what to do about it. I have tried to have a conversation about this a few times, but he always brushes it off and I feel as if he wants me to not get involved in his personal life too much. l respect those boundaries, but I also think it's wrong for me to not say anything when I know this isn't acceptable behaviour on his part. I have even considered reaching out to his partner and asking if there is anything I can do, but I think this will end up destroying my friendship which is why I haven't said anything. What should I do? I don't want to look the other way just because this is a close friend, but it feels as if I have no choice.
You always have a choice because you have the ability to separate your friendship from your idea of right or wrong. If your friend is doing something hurtful, you have to speak up because that honesty is critical to the idea of what true friendship means. If it crosses boundaries, he has a right to call you out on it, but being silent makes you complicit. Yes, this may damage your friendship, but if your friend chooses to let that happen instead of becoming a better person, you gain more than you lose. Remember that a genuine friend who trusts you will always value your opinion and act upon it.

My boyfriend can't seem to get over my past relationships which is hypocritical because I have accepted his past without question. What can I do to get him to let go of this and move on?
Call out his hypocrisy, tell him why this refusal to let go harms you as well as your relationship, and ask him if he is serious about the two of you evolving together. If he can't let go, your future with him isn't going to be secure.

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